SADNESS

This past Monday was my Granddad's funeral and it was so sad but beautiful at the same time. Honoring a man that was there for all my life being the rock of the family always smiling.

On my fathers side they are ten kids all in all and my moms side there was four but to passed away. It was so nice to see the family again, some i did not even recognized because i saw some of then twelfth years ago.

Even at the funeral i did not forget our ttc road that we are walking  because i was surrounded by family that was asking when are we starting our own family and cousins that have babies that are way younger then me.......i'm turning the big 30 this year and i cant say that i am looking forward to it. 30 and have never been even near pregnant.....i feel like half a person not complete in my own skin.

After the funeral we were saying goodbye to some om the family when one of my aunts was hugging me she whispered  into my ear " OUR FAMILY IS NOW ONE PERSON SHORT, ITS UP TO YOU TO FILL THAT SPACE WITH A BABY" i know that she was not trying to hurt me but to encourage me, but that words cut through my heart like a warm knife through butter.......every day i realize more and more how deep this longing for a child of our own scares run into my heart.

I am working towards our goal of starting our own family, i just need to be patient and trust in GOD that he has laid out my path for me long before i was even born.

Trust in God.