HOW TO FEEL??

So my dad is expecting a little girl and my brother a little boy and me ...........how do i feel......i feel blank....empty dark and just so so sad.

Its not that i'm not happy for them i just don't know how to feel.....its hard to smile when u in a deep dark hole where u feel u don't have anything to smile about.

Why do i have to feel like this?
Why do i have such a urge to have a baby of our own?
Why cant i just stop feeling?

Infertility is a real faith testing experience......i found myself wondering a couple of times about why is God testing me why is God hating me so much to bring so much heartache into our life.

I don't have the answers to my questions and nor do i think i ever will but i like to think that God is preparing me for bigger and better things in life.

I'm truly trying to stay faithful

So i just have another six months to go till there babies are born....six months to go by pretending i.m happy and i3m okay..

1. finding out they are pregnant - done and still alive
2. finding out the sex of the babies- done and still alive
3. the baby showers-scared to death.

My heart is bleeding and i don't know how to repair it.

WAITING FOR MY TIME TO COME