Waiting now for April to start our next cycle is torture......not doing anything just waiting is driving me crazy.
Its so hard coping with all these negative feelings...i don't have energy for anything..i feel drained physically and emotionally. MY SPIRIT IS BROKEN. MY HEART IS BLACK.
i sometimes question why bad shit always happens to me, im i getting punished for something i did....
Sexual molestation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, infertility.....when will i find my happiness....my place of calmness my true love my happy ever after....yes suicide have crossed my mind a few times....there is only so much one person can handle....but then i think of my baby brother and i know if i did anything right in my life it was looking after him.
I really hope my family understands..that me not going to them so much have nothing to do with them but more with me and my inner demons....i try to stay positive and look towards the future but there is this nagging feeling that nothing is ever going to go right.....family events is like a huge mountain in front of me....i would rather not try and clime it because the fall is so much harder and standing up is even worst.
Yesterday i just cried and cried and cried....hoping that i would feel much better but it does not work like that for me.....i'm sad, angry, feeling sorry for myself, and i hate feeling like this.
Tomorrow is another day tomorrow i will feel better.....some days it does other days its worst.
I really hope my family understands..that me not going to them so much have nothing to do with them but more with me and my inner demons....i try to stay positive and look towards the future but there is this nagging feeling that nothing is ever going to go right.....family events is like a huge mountain in front of me....i would rather not try and clime it because the fall is so much harder and standing up is even worst.
Yesterday i just cried and cried and cried....hoping that i would feel much better but it does not work like that for me.....i'm sad, angry, feeling sorry for myself, and i hate feeling like this.
Tomorrow is another day tomorrow i will feel better.....some days it does other days its worst.
I need to get out of this dark place....
I'm counting now my days, wishing the time away till our next cycle.....i need to focus on the time ahead of us coz now i'm just there no emotions.....an empty shell walking around.
I'm waiting for God to entrust us with a wonder baby.
Jeremiah 29:11
for i know the plans i have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give u hope and a future.
I'm i'm leaving everything in God's hands.......i will do what i can from my side but in the end its God's will.
I'm counting now my days, wishing the time away till our next cycle.....i need to focus on the time ahead of us coz now i'm just there no emotions.....an empty shell walking around.
I'm waiting for God to entrust us with a wonder baby.
Jeremiah 29:11
for i know the plans i have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give u hope and a future.
I'm i'm leaving everything in God's hands.......i will do what i can from my side but in the end its God's will.
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